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Saturday 17 September 2011

Little incidents, hefty realizations...

You are given a  body with a spirit within. The primary purpose of your existence is to keep that spirit burning… For that, one needs to keep his body healthy… and when you are given a body, these pesky mortal ailments come as freebies.. You need to take care of those too…

These ailments are big time impediments, you gotta fight them any how…

Today, I have had too many realizations… too many, for my mind, to deal with… Its easy to rant philosophy…you go on bla-blaing but the real understanding happens when you are in a REAL situation…

Today, I have a fever… I feel a slight tremble in my body…I witness fleeting shivers, infrequently though.  I have been coughing and sneezing maniacally… I feel a very cumbersome load on my head.

The air of the room still remains oppressive. My roommates aren’t here… Mamma isn’t here… This is kinda my "first fever” where I am left to deal with everything alone… Interestingly, no one paid me a visit… none of my classmates came to my room… not even an "artificial" concern… Well, I didn’t expect anything of that sort,  either… But, I had expected something, a very little something from a girl named K… Surprisingly, she seemed unconcerned… That hurt me…just a little… Nothing more…

That was Realization number 1. “People , generally, are self conceited and there are people who outdo me in that front… I thought I was the most self conceited person on earth…but, no … I have some serious competitors there”

I usually, wash all my clothes on the very day itself.. I don’t pile them over…but this week, I had piled them over… Bed sheets, dresses et al…summed up to a dozen atleast... It was too hectic for me… Yet, I managed somehow…

I realized , “when I am decided to do something, I am at loggerheads…  I might complain, I might whine…but at the end of the day, I fight it…and I win..everytime!”

On account of weekends, most of the rooms in my lobby are locked… I am not friends with my neighbors but somehow, I smile when I see them every morning… We hardly ever exchange words… I missed passing that smile this morning…

Realization :- “We unknowingly get used to insignificant things”


Then there was a power cut at around 9 pm. It was unusual… I didn’t fret… I mechanically went out of my room..There wasn’t the minutest ray of light … I relied on my feet… I knew they would take me to the verandah… I went blindly following my feet and thankfully, I didn’t hit anything on the way… There is a cot in the verandah and I sat on it… The power was back in minutes…

Realization :- “ Darkness doesn't frighten me anymore.”

Then, I gulped down a few tablets… Tried to sleep…but couldn’t… *Background music:- Heal my wounds- Poets of the Fall”… I felt *unreasonable* tears in my eyes… Called Mamma and I was astonished to see myself,  bawling like a five year old… Mom was worried… She knew that I was unwell… I cried so much over phone that I was literally panting… My hands trembled… I couldn’t talk more… I kept the phone down and asked Mamma to call me in the morning… I tried to sleep.. I slept..

Then, all of a sudden,  slumber eluded me… I woke up… saw 4 SMSes in my inbox… I replied none… I attended one call… I saw myself smiling plastically throughout that 4 minute conversation…

And, now, I am drumming my fingers on the keyboard..Typing this shit!

Realization :-"There are things that you do without any clue. You do them mechanically."

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